A Little Ice Cream (In My Cone)  (excerpt)

For when I finish both the scoops
I find there’s somethin’ missin’ "Oops!"
I looked inside my cone and nearly died
I’m confident you will agree
An empty cone is blasphemy
He packed the cream on top, but not inside!

So stuff my cone with ice cream, sir

And satisfy this customer

I just expect to get

What I paid for

I'm meltin' from the summer heat

So serve me somethin' soft and sweet

You're not done with me yet

I want some more

I only ask for what is fair

So please fill in what isn't there

Stuff a little ice cream in my cone.

Over The Top (excerpt)
Subtle and small
Don’t suit me at all
They lead to slumber and snoring;
Blatant and big
Is the style that I dig
‘Cause less ‘isn’t more, it’s boring.

Over the top, let me warn you
If you’re a maven of taste
Over the top, this is your cue:
Seek safe haven - make haste!
It’s not gonna be
A tasteful display
You’re certainly free
To be on your way
The bawdy gaudy side of things
Is ‘bout to be embraced.

Geeks Like Us (excerpt)

You see fitting in has never been what we’re all about
It does seem clear we’ve been put here to stand right on out
Though some may claim it must be lame to feel like we don’t fit
We break the mold and truth be told we do not give a sh%#
But sometimes I cry, and I think I’ll die if I don’t get some nookie
And for the right guy – I tell no lie – I’d gladly shave my wookie.

Though we run into frustrations
In some social situations
Though they point and stare and mock us
‘Cause we’re dressed as two Chewbaccas
They’re just jealous (just jealous!)
Cause they’ll never (never ever!)
Be as fabulous and fun or point five percent as clever
We’ve made it very clear there’s nothing left to discuss
Get in line to wine and dine a pair of geeks like us!

My Canada (excerpt)
This Canada's different from the one I grew up in
This Canada's caught the subtle sickness from within
Now I don’t expect things to remain the way they’ve always been
But my Canada‘s dyin’ and it needs some medicine

Pitchforks and torches help to get the point across
An angry mob will capture the attention of the boss
They say there’s little change that kind of action can achieve
And if I were king that’s what I’d want my peasants to believe

A Simple Kindness (excerpt)

We share the same philosophies on music, books, and art

We’re thick as thieves and everyone can tell

And the way you make me laugh makes me offer you my heart

I can’t believe how hard and fast I fell…oh well.  

I’ve got plans again tonight

To see a show and have a drink or two, with you

And if I’m careless I just might

Pretend you’re falling for the charms I’ve got, you’re not

Though we’re wonderful together

In my head I think I’m clever

Enough to know we’ll never share a key, I see 

A simple kindness in your eyes

Becomes a complicated love for me

Twenty Years Ago (excerpt)
If I’d started 20 years ago to scrimp and save
I’d have a large amount
In my bank account.
If I’d only just applied myself, been a little brave
And not listened to fear
I’d have a great career.

If I’d started 20 years ago
Told all my foolish fears to go
No multitude of tears would flow
‘Cause it all went up in smoke.

If I’d risked and used some common sense,
I wouldn’t be a nobody and broke.

From Now On (excerpt)
From behind
I can see
Who’ll be first to win the race
I don’t mind
That it’s not me
Nothin' wrong with second place
'Cause the pain helps me grow
But I’d still like to know
What it might be like to win
From behind I’m about to begin

And I know you would want me to touch the sky
But I’m not gonna get there if I never try
And I know
That I’m ready to go
Make it on my own
And I gotta go now
But I won’t forget how you showed me how.

Steppin' Out (And Struttin' In) (excerpt)
It has always been you
That they get introduced to
You’re more fun
You’re number one
You always hit a home run
But I’m done with all of that
It’s time I took my turn at bat

I don’t belong upon the bench my bite is worse than my bark
So I’m steppin' up to the plate and knockin’ this one out of the park.

I know what it takes
Cause I’ve seen your mistakes
And I’ve wiped tears of pain from your eyes
I’m glad that I know
How it feels to be low
Now I’m headed for a whole lotta highs.

Vicky The Vegan. (excerpt)

Don't panic

It's organic!

There's an indigenous farmer's face on the label

It's not sprayed


It's fair trade

Drug free and so

It's fit to be called food at your table.

Patrick Kearns

I Don't Play an Instrument (excerpt)

I’d sax your phone and french your horn,

I’d grease your trombone’s slide
I’d whet your whistle ‘til the morn
And you would vibrate from inside  

I’d pump your organ, beat your drum
I’d even bang your gong
I’d squeeze your box and make it hum

And ring your bell with a big "ding dong"

I don’t play an instrument,

But I’m ready to commit

And all my free time will be spent

On you and I’ll never quit.

(One Hell Of) An Entertainin' Show (excerpt)
And soon enough, ideas came
My seedlings had begun to sprout
And though it’s true that most were lame
A few survived the weeding out

And I know when you climb
That ya gotta start small
A tree takes its time
To get so tall
But without a seed
It’s guaranteed
Nothin’s ever gonna grow

The grip of doubt

Is strong indeed
And the mind is full of fear
But I busted out
Got myself freed
And I’m standin’ right up here

Guess I musta let it go
And got rid of doubt
So I can’t be a pro
My first time out
But these bits are swell
And it’s one hell
Of an entertainin’ show!

Done As An Extra

I'm startin' to fret

'Cause I never get

A chance to show off what I got

They don’t seem to see

The potential in me

And I’m getting pretty distraught

I know I’m no beauty like Marilyn Monroe

But all that I need is a chance

I feel it’s my duty to let you all know

How good I am at song and dance

I know they say to be content with things as they are

But I ain’t satisfied and so I’m raisin’ the bar

My dancing and my dialogue just need a directa

It’s cruel to say I can’t compete so let me correct ya

It’s boring in the background and I’m done as an extra

I wanna be a big star!

Dancing With The Ghost Of You  (excerpt)

You’ve gone away I know
But I can’t let you go
And though I know that you have gone
Your memory still lingers on
And now and then I think I see
A vision of your face advance
And softly it says will you dance
Until the end of time with me.

I’ll flit around the floor
The way we did before
And do the steps that we once used to do
But it’s not a duet
The closest that I get
Is dancing with the ghost of you.

Not On The Poster (excerpt)
I’m not on the poster
I’m prob’ly not gettin’ paid
An’ lookin’ round here
I’m the only queer
So I’m prob’ly not gettin’ laid.

I guess I’m supposed ta
Let it go and let it slide
I guess that I should
Just say it’s all good
Like it never hurt my pride
Like I don’t feel sad
And I don’t feel bad
In fact I’m feelin’ swell.
Who cares if I got
On the poster or not
Why worry? What the hell?

I’ve gotta let it go
Get on with the show
Suck it up and act my age
'Cause I may not be on the poster, but folks (nevertheless) I’m on the stage.